Oct 30, 2010

The right time

Beep.Beep.Beep. The low key sound seemed to hammer in my medulla. Because that was the only sound I could hear, or the most crucial one, I didn’t know then. Having stood it for what seemed eternity, my mind finally came back to life and I tried feeling my body of which I knew nothing since I don’t know when. Not much later I felt, like I felt never before, the power and credibility of the Hindu concept of Inner eye. Even with my carnal eyesight failed (bandaged or banned, I couldn’t realise), I could create animations to be seen & felt by my anima. As I patrolled my body, I found that my skin was rough, worn out, anointed, draped, sewed and even open at various points. It was impossible - and later I realised - unimportant to try finding out what happened. So I moved inwards...

My veins were astonishingly thinner as I felt them. I could feel how pathetically and partially the blood was trespassing through them, leaving them dry, numb & fragile. Desperate to find out the reason, I reached out to my heart which was the most alien sight for me. I had a weak pale brown heart. It was smaller than the palm of an 8 year old. It was weakly pumping a hot fluid in my body which was further travelling to my flimsy veins. I then discovered realised that my heart was not under my chest but out in the atmosphere. I could feel air stroking it. Beep.Beep.Beep. There were more corporal interactions with my heart. Some were moving while toggling it. Others were still. Some were firm & others were soft.
Beep.Beep.Beep. Confused and more conscious of my conscious than before, I chose to see the other blocks of my anatomy. It was while moving towards my face when I lost track of my eye prints. It seemed as if another alien noise was purposely shaking me up from my sleep-in-my-sleep. Having lost the route to my heart, I irritably became aware of the sound – a cry.
These were maddening shrieks from somewhere around me - too far to be felt yet to near induce pain. I was never so dastard on exposure to yells or cries but why was I now? In this dubious pondering, these shrieks revealed there true nature to me - they were of a woman - thus announcing them to me with more panic and melancholy.
But why cry, I thought? When I with a split skin and exposed heart was at terms with reality (or illusion?) why the woman was crying? Was her derelict severe than mine or was she too naive to bear it. But I could think no further as a wave of pain rippled through my conscious. Now I had the pain of my own loathed self, the shrieks from the woman and again the deafening Beep. Beep. Beep. I was happy thinking that I overgrew this wretched sound but it came back louder, reminding me of its omnipresence. Before I could think of concentrating again, another wave of pained shook my body, this time less painful (as its antecedent was stirring) but perhaps more severe. Those far cries seemed to increase in a harmonious progression. So were the pain waves, now hitting me in approximate continuity.
The myriad chant of these 3 intonations was painfully putting me to sleep. While I was stiffening my body and thoughts earlier, now I let them go numb. The pain was turning into a trance and I almost felt weightless. Then the pain stopped. And I was so light that I was rising. In that involuntary flight, there was happiness, content, serenity. As I looked down, I saw the last of myself coming out of my opened heart which people around me were trouncing and electrocuting. Yet it didn’t hurt me for I was free & flying. I was a bodiless, hallowed beam of light.
Soon after my flight, I saw another source of light (like myself) at a distance. It was travelling towards me. Seeing it, I saw myself. We both were shapeless, weightless and platonic. As it neared, I knew that it was as willing to meet me as I was to it. Now it was almost at my side. Before I could find words for this brief interaction, it said “It’s the right time to go”. Failed to decipher that serene voice, I moved on without any pleasantries.
All this while, I was flying higher, I could still not get rid of that women’s shrieks. But moments after crossing the poker face, the yells subsided. But another crying took over instantly- crying of a young one – a newborn. With this sound, came to me the stark realisation of my flight. Now the trance was heavier & more containing. Yet there was one thing that I could not understand. The words - It’s the right time to go- for whom were they said.

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