ड्रामा भक्ति का

कल रात एक जागरण देखा। दरअसल उसे जागरण नहीं चौकी कहते हैं। जागरण तो पूरी पूरी रात होता है पर चौकी रात दस या ग्यारह तक सिमट जाती है। ख़ैर, ये चौकी किसी पार्क या टेंट-गड़े मैदान में नहीं पर एक बढ़िया बैंक्वेट हाल में थी। और कुर्ता-पायजामा सिर्फ घर के मुखिया ने पहना था, डिज़ाइनर।

चौकी शुरू हुई। भक्ति के नाम पर ढोंग चल रहा था। मेहमान श्रद्धा का ढोंग कर रहे थे। मेज़बान इश्वर को धन्यवाद करने का ढोंग कर रहा था। और मंडली के गायक इश्वर में लीन होने का ढोंग। गणेश आरती और कुछ भड़कीले भजन गाने के बाद बालीवुड के गानों को पलटा कर माइक पर चिल्लाया जा रहा था। सर पे लाल चुन्नी लपेटे गायक महाशय ने 'चप्पा चप्पा चरखा चले' को मरोड़ कर 'शिव तेरी जोत जले' बना दिया था।  जैसे की ये बहुत न हो, तीन भेंटों के बाद गायक, और मेज़बान की बीवी ने लोगों को मंच पर बुला कर नचाना शुरू करवा दिया।

जिन्हे आनंदमयी और बेसोच ठुमके होना चाहिए था, वो सोची-समझी भड़कीली कूदियाँ हो चली थी। गायक का माइक धीमा कर ढोलक और कांगो की आवाज़ बड़ा दी गयी थी। मेज़बान का एक करीबी रिश्तेदार तो ऊपर चढ़ कर हनुमान और कृष्ण के बीच में जा कर मटकने लगा। तभी एक मोटी आंटी स्टेज पर आई और पचास रुपये के करारे नोट से उसकी नज़र उतारने लगी। किसी को ठाकुर या श्रीराम की नज़र उतरना ज़रूरी नहीं लगा।

नीचे बैठे 'भक्तों' के बीच वो छोटे वाले समोसे और गोबी के पकोडे ऐसे घुमाए जा रहे थे जैसे रामचरितमानस के पाठ में सौंफ और मिश्री घुमती हो। किसी बच्चे ने रो कर फरमाईश करी तो बाद में सफ़ेद, संतरी और काली कोल्ड-ड्रिंक भी प्लास्टिक के गिलासों में पेश हो गयी।

यहाँ गायक के साथ कोई भजन नहीं गा रहा था। और गाता भी कैसे? मोबाइल फ़ोन, बच्चे, समोसों और गप्पों से फुर्सत कहाँ मिल रही थी किसी को। ख़ैर जैसे तैसे अरदास और आरती का समय आया। किसी बुज़ुर्ग ने एक भजन गाने की इच्छा कही तो मेज़बान और कुछ आदमियों ने उसे चुप करवा दिया, क्यूंकि मेहमानों को भूख लग रही थी। अरदास से पहले मंडली के गायक ने सबको कुछ नोट निकल कर 'माता' के चरणों में समर्पित करने को कहा। ऐसा करने से - इन महाशय के अनुसार - आय में वृद्धि होगी। और देखते ही देखते एक और बड़ा थाल पचास सौ और पांचसौ के नोटों से भर गया। आरती एक तीसरे थाल में हुई और अंत तक वो भी दस बीस पचास और एक आध सौ के नोटों से भर गया था। माता झोलियाँ तो भरती है पर सिर्फ उनकी जो उसकी मूरत के आगे लगी थालियाँ भरते हैं।

गिटार, ड्रमस और माइक की बदौलत आरती पूरी हुई। फिर गद्दे समेट कर उधर टेबल बिछाई और उस पर अंडे वाला केक काटा गया और सब ने भर भर के खाया। उसके बाद खान शुरू हुआ और सारे भूखे भक्त दाल मखनी, छोले और पनीर पर टूट पडे। वो नज़र-उतारने-वाली-मोटी-आंटी अपने दामाद से कह रही थी भल्ले बहुत स्वादिष्ट हैं, ज़रूर खाना।

उसके बाद रुकने का न मतलब था और न हिम्मत सो हम रवाना हो लिए।  घर आते हुए रस्ते में एक अधनंगा आदमी फूटपाथ पर सो रहा था, बगल में खडाऊ और एक लोटा रखा था। गाडी पास से निकली तो देखा बूढा साधू था। ज़रूर जवानी में जागरण में पैसे नहीं चड़ाए होंगे मूर्ख ने।

~अभिषेक मिश्रा

Ramacharitmanas: The lesser known facts

We all have somewhere heard of 'Ramcharitmanas', the epic story of Ramayana written by Tulsidas. Ramcharitmanas was adapted from ‘Ramayana’, the book with same story written in Sanskrit by Maharshi Valmiki. Valmiki (once a robber) is the sage in whose hermitage (Ashram) Ram’s wife Sita lived with her two children Lava and Kusha, after her husband (Lord Ram) abandoned her. Before I begin throwing light on the lesser known facts of Ramcharitmanas, let us understand how the story—whether fictional or real—was conceived and written, flanked with some more trivia.

Internship at Hindu Ltd.

Once upon an unrecorded time in another dimension across the wormhole, there was this guy Arelius, who was doing his MBA in Shangri-la Institute of Management in Celestial town. During the time of internship, Arelius was placed under Hindu Ltd, the company run by Hindu Deities at top and middle management and jointly owned by Hindu Gods as Board of Members. Hindu Ltd was the biggest of all the recruiters at Shangrila institute of Management. Their operations were across the world with their headquarters on the border of India and Nepal. 

Arelius, who was in marketing and promotion department, was assigned a project to survey the existing customers of Hindu Ltd. His project included determining the consumer satisfaction level, consumer behaviour at Point of Purchase (Multiple unorganised Outlets with the generic name ‘Temple’), product line and consumer benefits like festivals, celebrities, fasts, rituals and holidays. Arelius decided to start his project by visiting contact points where the footfall was in millions during selected time periods. The company called these points as ‘holy places’. His first such visit was at Maha Kumbh Mela, somewhere near the Headquarters of Hindu Ltd. The activity was organised once in 12 years jointly by field representatives called pundits or pujaaris with assistance from Nature department. Arelius, unknown to the trends and buying behaviour, though went there to record the consumer behaviour and satisfaction level, but was awestruck by the organisation and event management skills of the company. The quality control was in a dismal state with no support from the Nature department. The Operations were haphazard and the crowd flow also required major channelisation. Unable to ignore these observations, Arelius noted them and proceeded to consumers for their feedback. A bigger level of dismay struck him after his first feedback. The respondent, a 55 year old woman from middle income group was very satisfied with the services. All her responses were positive feedbacks without any complaints or suggestions. On finishing the survey at that site, Arelius realised that customers were not just satisfied but delighted. 

Arelius later went to another contact point named ‘Balaji’. The services offered here chiefly included shelf displays of statues of one of the board member of Hindu Ltd, called as ‘Idols’ and a live band which played music religious genre. He observed a very particular tendency among the consumers of Hindu Ltd. at this area. Though most of the visitors appeared to be sane and composed, but during a strange promotional activity called ‘aarti’ (when the live band performed at its best), the consumers displayed weird responses. Starting from tossing their head in all directions, they went as far as injuring themselves by either rolling down a staircase or pulling off their hair from their scalp. Unable to hold his curiosity, Arelius met one of the field representatives after the promotional activity to understand the rationale behind this consumer behaviour. He learned that among other activities, this contact point also offered free ghostbuster services to its consumers. They were able to capture their target audience, a quasi-niche segment, solely by the means of grapevine and brand loyalty. Noting his observations, he left the place. 

Arelius visited many more locations and outlets of Hindu Ltd. during his tenure as a trainee. Some were Amarnath, Kailash Parvat, Haridwar, Vaishno Devi and Chaar Dhaam. He found the common sentiment of consumer delight at all the location irrespective of the poor quality of services and operations. He also realised that the company should never opt for demographic segmentation as its consumers were spread across all regions across the world and so did its outlets. He observed that brand loyalty was the biggest USP for Hindu Ltd. as the consumers rarely looked for competitors’ services, irrespective of their attempts. He also examined that though the quality of service was inferior, the incentives and up-selling added to customer delight. It was usually in form of edible merchandise like Prasad and ‘charnamrit’. Moreover, small statues of board of members, that were nothing short of souvenirs counted for revenue generation. Another benefit to the company’s advantage was that investors were always ready to provide funds for overhauling of existing outlets and expansion plans as well. Subsequently, the company was cash rich. While Hindu Ltd was not the market leader but it enjoyed monopoly in certain regions. Arelius recommended that the company, apart from expanding its operations, must also try to attract more consumers to increase its profitability and Return on Investment. Though there were numerous small attempts to seek new clients by the field representatives, but they were often small scale and unorganised. The competitors were however coming up with continuous innovation for the same. 

Then, courtesy his mentors and seniors, Arilius was able to finish his project before time. Impressed with his performance and swiftness, his department decided to give him another project during his tenure with Hindu Ltd. We shall soon get to know what it was and how it changed his life….

Speculatively yours

AbhishekM